Fabrication
by RaiMidori
Summary: When you realize what it feels like to hurt someone: tantalizing, agonizing. When memories are forgotten we lose a piece of our soul. Not being able to stop the flow of time, there are punishments for the inhuman. Light X Misa. Oneshot.


_**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. This is a purely fictional work.**_

_**Author's Note: I was reading the Misa arc of DeathNote when I started writing this. I seems that Misa is just like a little child and I, for one would never have the heart to hurt her. Ah, but if you haven't gone up that far, there are spoilers. I recommend you read up to at least chapter 40 before continuing. In the manga, Light doesn't hesitate in giving Misa fake love and controlling her. This is my view of what might have happened if Light were a little bit more human, though I still haven't given up on him. I truly believe that Light has more compassion in him that he'd like to admit, and that, someday, he's going to need all of that. **_

_**This fanfiction is relatively short, and, here you go. "Fabrication".**_

_**-RaiMidori**_

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She had her hands on my knees, her fingers daintily separated. Her long nails dug into the surface of my skin as she lost herself in my embrace. It wasn't real. She knew it too. But none of us said a word.

Do you know what it's like to lose your memories? To forget something that has been a part of your life forever? It's like losing part of yourself. Who has the kind of courage to kill a part of their soul? It's sad, isn't it? We are forced to do these things to keep ourselves alive. But me? I'm keeping myself alive just to bring justice to the world. Is it wrong? Is it right? Do I even matter anymore?

I never thought of it that way. I couldn't hold on to the Death Note forever, could I? One day, surely, maybe even _soon, _L would find me and destroy me for what he thinks is right. It's so funny and pathetic at the same time. We are both doing this because we firmly believe that it is the right thing to do. We're both human, yet, we think so differently. If I told him that, he'd give me one of his rare laughs and say, "You aren't human anymore, Light." He's right, though. I'm not. It's more of a sacrifice than anything else, really. I wouldn't sacrifice half of my life for those eyes, though. Why? Because I know that I am the only one that can be the leader of the purer world. I can tell, just by watching the angry faces of the ignorant news reporters on the evening news, raging shamelessly about Kira's newest massacre. But when I decided to forget it all, I lost a part of myself, even before I forfeited the Death Note.

It's not easy being justice. It's not easy at all. Who wants to hide every minute of their lives in fear of being caught? I'm doing something illegal, and everyone knows it. But, in a way, it's also so much easier. Everything I wanted to do, I can. Or, at least, the thing I wanted the most. Justice, purification and happiness are all words that mean 'Kira'. Kira is the savior, and it's so hard and so simple at the same time.

She still looks stunned, the happy-go-lucky smile replaced by shock and confusion. "Light…?" she intones, her body pressed hard against mine. I take a minute before saying what I've decided is the best. "I mean… you want to be my girlfriend, right? Then I should start now." I meant to say _acting, _but it just slipped out that way. For some reason, I felt like this innocent girl was the only person on the earth I would have trouble hurting.

I don't know how she got the Death Note. I really don't. If it was some kind of joke Rem was playing, it was too cruel to comprehend. Misa didn't deserve at all the pain and guilt that came with the Death Note. No, she deserved a normal life. What kind of world lets a common teenage model become a killing machine? It's insane, and I'm changing it. I'm still saying these words, but I was still was astonished and full of anguish when her memories were erased. There would be no more chasing after me just because I was Kira, we couldn't really share anything anymore. Misa, annoying as she was, was my first friend. We would talk for hours, ignoring the time, sometimes even feel excited about the passing hours. We'd debate over the Note, Death Gods, L, the Japanese Police Force, and sometimes, even apples. It was the first time I felt comfortable talking to someone about the Note, however I never showed any emotion. Misa just accepted who I was, and when I broke into half-hearted shrug or a difficult scientific lecture, she'd just grin as if I were telling a joke. Of course, I regret that now.

I do remember, and that's the most painful thing about it. One day, I'd like to just forget it all, that day when I forfeit the Death Note. But I wonder if I will forget this Misa, too. It's so frightening. Do I have to risk a part of myself to remain alive? And I know for sure, that there won't be a trace. If I ever see her again, after that, I wouldn't feel a thing.

She broke out in a wide smile. "Light… does this mean you've fallen for me?" her voice carries over the night, much louder than it needed to be. I release my grip and take her shoulders. "Do you think I have?" Her eyes trail over my face, slowly and unsure. She lets them fall to the collar of my shirt, and then onto my chest. She's down to my stomach by the time she pipes up. "I'd like to think so, because, you know… I love _you_ the most." I turn away, biting my lip. The tears sting at the corners of my eyes, threatening to spill over. She had said that to me once, but the first time, it was because I was Kira and I had avenged the death of her parents. But it was all gone now. She wouldn't have known. _This Misa… isn't the one you fell in love with, Light. _The little voice in my head repeats this over and over, but I turn my head back to face her. "Why is that?" I don't think I want to know. If it weren't for me avenging her parents, then… why would she still love me? She turns her head to the side, her bangs dipping slightly. "You're such a kind person, Light. You've always been. You seem like the type to want to change the world, even if it meant risking your life." She turns her gaze back to mine, blushing. "But that kind of thing would never happen, sorry..."

The night is like a blanket over the sun. It's like the sky is trying to tell us that there always will be sadness and anguish. Because no matter how much you love the day, or had wonderful times, the night won't stop just for you. The night won't stop for the world, just because it belongs here. Do I belong? And if I do, am I the day… or the night? There are so many different people, so many different sides shining light and shedding darkness. I think that I'm just in between, there but not there, sort of like a ghost. I'm a wispy, smoky grey ghost. I'm not sure if I'm white or black, day or night. I'm also not sure if I exist at all.

That first day Ryuk came to me, I was so sure that I would die. But almost instantly afterwards, I was sure that the Death Note was an item of fate. It belonged to me and only me, and I was the one destined to change the world. But I wasn't the only human possessing it, and all of a sudden my world was tilted upside-down. I had the power to kill someone with just their name and face, and a Death God named Ryuk trailing after me. I was so different, but instead of being revered, I was exiled. It's a power no one wants me to have, just so we will all be equal. And now Misa, too?!? If you want to talk about equality, let's talk about wars. Let's talk about innocent people being murdered. Let's talk, yes, let's. But can we please not talk about Kira? Because Kira is something this world actually needs. If we sucked up our pride, this world would be a better place.

Misa had never seen me cry. Not the old Misa, _my _Misa, or this new Misa, the stranger. I had always been the knight in shining armor, the emotionless warrior. But this time, I feel like nothing but a child, shaking on the ground as she strokes my hair, my head resting in her sweet-smelling lap. She is afraid for me, I can tell. I know it wasn't a lie, her love, but this seems to prove it. I push my face into the folds of her dark clothing, sobbing and sobbing, wondering all the time if there would ever be an end to it. The night has fallen, blanketing the sun just as I had known it would've. I had known just like I was sure that Misa couldn't live with her memories of the Death Note. I know, yet I'm doing nothing about it. Kira isn't a courageous lion, no, Kira is a coward, hiding in the shadow of the past. I hate it. But her scent, smelling just like roses, awakens me from my nightmare. Really, in this kind of horrid world, we need a little light, she says. She tells me that I don't have to go through it alone. She tells me that she is there for me. In that moment, I pretend that she is her old self, and I lay myself asleep, enchanted by a daydream that will never come true.


End file.
